July 1, 2012
Columns Article 7128

Queen of England tells the Wimbledon ball boys/girls that she's sending them all to OJ Advertising in Michigan USA for a Summer Intern Program.
(Photo used without permission from Daily Mail and Getty Images to make you smile)

I Need Ball Boys/Girls

July 1, 2012
By: O. J. Cunningham

Wimbledon tennis on ESPN TV without ball boys/girls would be catastrophic.

Can you imagine how boring it would be if we had to watch Andy Roddick or Rafa Nadal go and retrieve the tennis balls after every point.

A match between Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams might take most of the day if there wasn't a ball boy/girl standing close by to offer a towel to dab away unwanted perspiration.

It's obvious to me -- I need ball boys/girls for life's everyday activities.

When a pencil or pen rolls off my desk . . . scurry, scurry scurry . . . a ball boy/girl darts from his/her spot against the wall and fetches it quickly and places it back on my desk.

When I leave my phone in the car and get all the way into the office before realizing it . . . scurry, scurry, scurry . . . a ball boy/girl darts out of nowhere and dashes out to the car to fetch the phone for me.

Coffee refill? . . . scurry, scurry, scurry . . . got it, Mr. Cunningham.

Pull a file from a filing cabinet in the next office? . . . scurry, scurry, scurry . . . Done, Sir!

Sunday Paper? . . . scurry, scurry, scurry . . . Here you are, Sir.

Where's the remote? . . . scurry, scurry, scurry . . . Thank you.

Back in the "old days," (Before Title IX) I "hear tell" wives used to play this role in a man's daily life. And then . . . For a few years, I remember the kids (when they were six and seven years old) filling the same role.

Nowadays, you can't even get a secretary to get you a coffee without some conversation about the equal rights amendment equal pay for women.

One thing is certain . . . the Wimbledon Championships are only a fortnight (14 days) long. Those ball boys/girls certainly must have a lot of free time on their hands until next year's tennis gig comes around.

I'm going to contact the Queen of England and see if I can get a dozen or so ball boys/girls shipped over to to my office for a Summer Intern Program.

Depending on how many ball boys/girls the Queen sends, I might need some local housing for a few weeks. Let me know if you have any space available.

0202 nd 12-02-2021

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